Our New Year doesn’t need to have a transformative outcome.

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Memes that share about the disorienting, and often painful nature of the days between Christmas and New Years, exist for a reason. They seem to point to a collectively shared experience of pain, simultaneously making us more aware of (and seen in) our humanity, while getting to laugh about it.


These three specific traps are what give Apologetic Narcissists, continued free reign, in your life.

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Many of us who have a record of being partnered with Narcissists, understand there are several ways Narcissists do their damage in relationships.

I want to focus here on the act of apologizing.

There are those in the Narcissist camp who will rarely if ever apologize. Then, there are those who will say sorry.

I call the ones who apologize, the Apologetic Narcissists. This article will focus on them.

The Apologetic Narcissist

The Apologetic Narcissist may apologize sometimes, moderately, or a lot! Yet, this apology ends up meaning next to nothing, because even if their behavior does initially change, they eventually revert back…


Limits teach us empathy, humility, and maturity.

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Photo by Michael Dziedzic on Unsplash

Note: At the time of writing this article, many of us are “stuck” at home with our partner, during a shelter in place. Because of COVID19, we are living lives with much more stringent limits than we are used to. This may be a good time to explore why these limits are so challenging for you.

The fantasy of freedom

Many of us walk around with a fantasy about who we would like to be with.

We dream of a relationship that will allow us to get everything we want, while ultimately having the freedom to authentically be who we are, with no negative…


A lighthearted story about transformation, during the time of Coronavirus.

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Photo by Jasmine Waheed on Unsplash

Please refer to my notes at the bottom of this article, to understand my context in writing this article.

I am changing

I have awoken every morning, this past month, feeling like there is no going back to “normal”. I feel this way not just in regard to the external world, I feel something inside of me has changed.

Kind of like I moved to a mysterious, exciting city, sight unseen, and I am stuck at a dock waiting for a mystery shipment, along with a container filled with all my old belongings.

There is an excitement to jump into this new place…


How Rumi guides my transformations in love.

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The way of love is not a subtle argument. The door there is devastation.

Birds make great sky circles of their freedom. How do they learn it?

They fall, and in falling, they’re given wings. — Rumi

The fantasy of love in my early twenties.

My new boyfriend had given me the book containing this poem, and I was hooked. I had learned about Rumi in school, but never had one of his poems spoken to me, like this one did, till now.

My boyfriend and I had been together, at this point, for a little over a month. I had never been a type who enjoyed reading…


To be messy and in a process, is a form of liberation from the pitfalls of capitalism.

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It is no measure of health to be well-adjusted in a profoundly sick society. — Krishnamurti

I am one of those extreme people

I have spent a good number of years of my life, living by extremes.

I bet that half of you reading this will immediately dismiss me as “insane”, “unstable”, “crazy”, an “attention seeker”, or at least “lacking boundaries”, just by the very fact I am willing to share this about myself.

You have also probably been taught that for us to live in a functioning society, we need to police others by virtue of what is considered appropriate in your US or other White-dominant…


Dedicated to anyone who is grieving during this transition into the new year.

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A sunset is an ending.

I spent Christmas at a deserted beach in southern Mexico.

I made it a point to watch the sunset both nights I was there. I got lucky, as these were two of the most epic displays I had ever seen. This says a lot, considering I have spent a fair amount of my life so far (on beaches), watching sunsets.

On the ride back up to my mountain home in Chiapas, Mexico, I began to think about all of the unremarkable sunsets I had selected to miss. …


Why a New Years Resolution involving embracing who you are, might get you farther.

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The other day I was watching myself repeat a familiar thought pattern for this time of year. I then immediately had a surge of fear and adrenaline, run throughout my body.

I was formulating a detailed New Years Resolution involving re-branding my business, and creating more online content.

I, and I am imagining most people reading this, often start to wobble in determination to keep to said Resolution goals, around March or April, and then by August, exhausted and ashamed, I might give up.

It is not to say I don’t create, accomplish, and experience a lot in a year…


A self-love perspective shared by someone with a history of severe trauma.

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Recently, I was staying in an AirBnB, and had about an hour of downtime.

I walked to the bookshelf, and pulled up the book, Super Attractor: Methods for Manifesting a Life Beyond Your Wildest Dreams.

I currently live in southern Mexico. I may as well be living under a rock, in terms of keeping track of anything in the New Age, USA, cultural sphere. However, I had seen some #superattractor hashtags in a post from a friend, who recently became a life coach. …


Seven steps to heal from the special kind of loneliness that stems from Narcissistic Abuse.

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Photo by Jen Theodore on Unsplash

My story.

I used to be ashamed to admit that my Narcissistic ex and I must have broken up and gotten back together over 30 times. Though he had done horrible things to me, I would always eventually seek him out again. Sadly, it wasn’t a subtle sort of seeking out.

In fact, on several occasions, I begged for my Narcissist to come back to me.

During the weeks after we had broken up, I was willing to re-configure my memories of what had occurred in our dynamic, while giving him ultimate leniency, while being heavy-handed about how badly I had allegedly…

Dr. Ava Pommerenk

Coach. Psychologist. Writing about new perspectives, love, relationships, Narcissism, healing, transformation, & culture. www.avapommerenkphd.com

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