I understand that it is very likely, if someone certifiably has Narcissistic Personality Disorder, they are a damaged person. A pathological Narcissist has experienced an incredible amount of trauma, starting at a very young age. This personality disorder was a method formed to survive a life that constantly left them feeling victimized and powerless. So, given my understanding of how serious this illness is, I am not writing this article to sadistically laugh at 1% of the population’s trauma and suffering.
However, considering the extreme amount of suffering these individuals bring to the lives of others, I am writing this article as a form of absurd, comedic justice, for all those who have been traumatized by the abusive actions of Narcissists.
To give you some context, I have had the misfortune to end up harmed by several of these types of people, and up until recently, my best method for avoiding being traumatized by them, was to avoid them all together. However, I hate to admit, I have dated a few of them, in some darker times in my life, and these individuals have done considerable harm to me.
I awoke this morning, and spoke with a loved one who is working for a Narcissist, and all I could do was laugh. This employer is completely clueless that their life involves so much dysfunction, and many angry, hysterical, upset people, specifically because of them. I laughed considering the absurdity and chaos that ensues when dealing closely with someone who is a pathological Narcissist, I felt so good afterwards, and realized I was on to something.
So, I write this article today, as an offering to those dealing with Narcissists. Here is another tool in your defense arsenal: absurd, tragic humor.
And, you may ask, what is tragically comedic about this?
Picture this, as within the perspective of a Narcissist.
You live your life with the belief that big things will happen for you, because you are so special, just being you. You enjoy seeking attention and admiration from people worthy of giving it. You know you can make people feel like they are the best and most perfect and lovable person in the world, and you have the power to make them also want to die. You know you are powerful and have so much more to offer than most people, and people admire you for that. People wish they were you. You thrive on being the center of attention, even if it is because you challenge someone. Perhaps, you even enjoy being the center of attention, specifically due to sticking it to the man, or one-upping someone who clearly couldn’t pull one over on you, or control you. You feel life has been essentially unfair to you in many ways, because it keeps bringing “crazy”, “needy”, and “unstable” people to you. You believe most people are out to use you or get something from you. You believe it is perfectly ok to actively hold disdain for someone who doesn’t give you what you want, or doesn’t hold you in high regard. Clearly, they simply misunderstand you and have something up their a$$. No one actually seems to make the cut in your life, as you are an expert at finding people’s weaknesses and ugly spots, and criticizing them, at the very least, in secret. You know you will be wealthy or wealthier one day, because you know how to meet and charm the right people, climb the ladder, and play the game, in order to win. Winning = success. You believe that whatever need or desire you have in the moment is worthy of bending the world around you, in order to attain it, even if it involves telling a different version of the truth, using exaggeration, or omitting information. It doesn’t matter what the law is. It doesn’t matter what someone else wants, because you can convince them that what they want is aligned with what you want in the moment, or that what they want isn’t as important or as urgently needed. You make promises in order to attain what you want, with an idea that the future is impermanent anyways, and it is ok to then change your mind. And you get a thrill at how you can bend the world to your whim and will. You feel emotionally high and all powerful and expansive one moment, and in the next moment you touch the depths of emptiness, powerlessness, despair, and isolation. You may just seek company, attention, or drugs and alcohol to make you feel better when you have your downs, because isn’t this what everyone else does? You seek to never be bored, so you don’t have to face feeling down, and thus easily distractable and very busy. You believe how you live and who you are are the models for others to strive towards.
I know, not funny yet. But below is where it gets funny through the sheer absurdity.
Can you imagine being so bumblingly delusional, that you don’t even see how bumbly you are? Instead you repaint this bumbliness as honorable and righteous. And, in your multi-layered, multi-faceted delusions, you are literally a bull in a china shop, and can’t see you are a bull, or that your “body” is actually responsible for breaking all this “china”? Instead you fabricate a story that you actually believe, that other people are the bull, and are breaking the china?! That you can’t see that the absurd level of “drama” you have in your life is literally ALL because of you. You walk around telling everyone you are trying to avoid “drama”. And if ever trying to explain yourself for drama you are in, you rationalize that you are giving tough love, or doing something (that is usually incredibly harmful and dismissive) to all these “dramatic people”, for their own good?! That when you are in an argument and your words become a toxic, insane, salad, that absolutely make no sense, on your end you believe you have won a debate contest, when the other person gives you a look of pure confusion and frustration, and waves their white flag, just to get your onslaught to stop?
And to top it all off, when person after person tells you that you are Narcissistic or abusive or evil, or something is really wrong with you, you deflect, point the finger back at them for something else, and brush it off. Or worse, you read some articles on the internet about abuse and Narcissism, and determine that other person was an abusive Narcissist!
And, on you go, to continue to blindly repeat these same patterns, over and over again, while making everyone and everything else, responsible for why your experience or life, relationships, and work, isn’t to your standards.
Meanwhile, you buoyantly continue onward, complaining, breaking our eardrums, while you believe your words are a song to be heard. And we desperately duck to avoid you, or get swept up in your mess, only to be saved by your discard when you determine we are not good enough for you.
Yes, this is some of how Narcissists experience their lives. And how they experience themselves, amidst standing triumphantly on top a mountain of rubble and ash, that is usually their personal life. They experience themselves as the underdog that has come out on top! That no matter what, others are the bad ones, and they come out having triumphed and avoided a certain dismantling, by someone or something out to get them.
Narcissists are the epitome of absurd. They are the chaos and havoc makers in their own worlds, seeing their hands commit destruction while believing their hands are the hands of someone else. And the rest of us watch their absurd delusional existence, like an enthralling telanovela. We may get a role in this telanovela, whether by consent or not, but most of us, manage to write our selves out of the script, with gratitude and joy.
So, think about this for a while, and laugh at the absurdity. This is tragic comedy at its finest. I guarantee, this laughter will help you feel better about the messes you clean up from one of these people. And, in time, it will help you move forward.