Saying Sorry Is the Narcissist’s Best Way to Trap You

These three specific traps are what give Apologetic Narcissists, continued free reign, in your life.

Dr. Ava Pommerenk


Many of us who have a record of being partnered with Narcissists, understand there are several ways Narcissists do their damage in relationships.

I want to focus here on the act of apologizing.

There are those in the Narcissist camp who will rarely if ever apologize. Then, there are those who will say sorry.

I call the ones who apologize, the Apologetic Narcissists. This article will focus on them.

The Apologetic Narcissist

The Apologetic Narcissist may apologize sometimes, moderately, or a lot! Yet, this apology ends up meaning next to nothing, because even if their behavior does initially change, they eventually revert back to their same harmful ways. They may be on their best behavior for a period of time, but eventually they “slip” back in to doing the same abusive, selfish, deceitful, arrogant, dismissive, manipulative, exploitative stuff, once again. Then when you get enraged and upset, and are unwilling to stand for it any longer, they know they can save the day, and save you from your pain, through saying sorry. These apologies are then laden with traps that hook you in to giving them and the relationship more time, energy and resources.

These folks function from the assumption there are unlimited chances, and a, “Sorry”, buys them access to unraveling of your functioning, mental health, and life, further.

Apologetic Narcissists set three major traps along with the act of saying sorry. Learning to identify these traps could help you figure out how to leave, and no longer be manipulated by them.

The Traps

The three traps to look for, with the Apologetic Narcissist, are that of remorse, love, and trying.

The trap of remorse.



Dr. Ava Pommerenk

Coach. Psychologist. Writing about new perspectives, love, relationships, Narcissism, healing, transformation, & culture.