Most Of Us Are Commitment Phobic

I have come to chuckle hearing the majority of pop songs out there about “Love”. They are not about Love. They are about the dance of fear and commitment phobia.

I have come to see that one of the main issues people struggle with, is a lack of commitment. We all know the person who literally avoids committed partnerships, or any form of relationship, at all cost, because they are terrified of being hurt or “tied down”. This person is likely clear they are commitment phobic, or at least an observer can spot this pretty quickly. Another obvious form of lacking commitment, is when one person in a couple cheats or another threatens the relationship in some way. If you are seeking out new partners, and this is not an agreed upon, fully consentual arrangement, this tells me you are perhaps fearful of what truly committing to your partner means to you, and how it thus makes you feel. Also, if you are someone who is threatening to break up with your partner, when you don’t get your way (when you fail to control them), you are perhaps fearful of what you feel if you must ACTUALLY commit to a person that also has their autonomy and personhood intact.

But, I have come to know that there are less obvious (yet more insidious) ways most of us enact our terror of commitment while in actual or imagined relationships, and dare I say, let our commitment phobia take control.

Take a moment to consider these questions:

Have you ever become so hyper-critical of a (potential) partner, that they…