I am sorry I keep adding more.

I do not expect you to respond with peer reviewed articles in order for your statements to be valid, though I see this is a response people have when we challenge their thinking. They place the burden of proof on you, when really, both sides share that burden and are mostly sharing differing perspectives that likely cannot be “proven”.

But, if someone states a statistic, I like to know where it comes from, because it helps me shift my perspective. I do wonder how many of the fathers who did not end up getting granted custody by the courts, were not granted such, due to drug addiction or simply not wanting custody, and therefore not providing a good case for it. These stats, as I am understanding, do not distinguish between men who were unfairly not granted custody, versus ones who didn’t want it in the first place, as well as versus ones who were clearly unfit. I would be curious to see the breakdown there, as I have a very hard time believing such a high percentage represent men who were 1) capable and safe to be a parent, and 2) who actually wanted custody. But, perhaps this is my bias? I also find myself wondering how much of this is actually racism motivated too, and not having to do with gender wars?

I do think a part of toxic masculinity are the negative messages men get about themselves, such as, that they are not nurturing or capable of being the primary caretaker of children. Men tend to believe this about themselves and default to women doing much of this labor. I think men, at heart are actually capable of exactly the traits women are given credit for, and vice versa. In this sense, I suppose you could say there is such a thing as toxic femininity as well, which I guess is what you are maybe referring to with women not acknowledging their own power, accountability, and agency?

Just more musings.

Coach. Psychologist. Writing about new perspectives, love, relationships, Narcissism, healing, transformation, & culture. www.avapommerenkphd.com

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