“Don’t Argue With Those Committed To Misunderstanding You”

I imagine this quote, which has been floating around the internet, was created a means to help people disengage from “toxic” individuals, who like to argue for the sake of making others feel miserable, to find entertainment and power and control, rather as a means to reach resolution.

I use the label, “toxic” here, with quotation marks, because I think toxicity is on a continuum, and we are all toxic, in so much as we are unaware of at least some element of ourselves at any given point, and this causes us to behave in ways that cause harm to others.

This saying has become such a popular self-righteous adage, that I have now begun to see the more extreme “toxic” people this quote was written about, start to use it. I chuckle imagining them being so delusional and unaware, that they have the repeated experience of others being committed to misunderstanding them, rather than seeing they are the ones that generate so much drama in their own life.

I write this article here, to encourage anyone and everyone to pause, before you post this quote meme, and ask yourself, “Where am I responsible for others not understanding me? And, do I even understand my self, right now?”

And, if you really want to go deeper with it, why not ask yourself, “Is it that people don’t understand me, or is it that I am upset they are trying to show me something about myself that I don’t want to see, and I am not able to maintain control over them, and I use this quote in response, because I don’t like this?”

After all, many of us interpret others are being difficult or committed to misunderstanding, when actually, the other refuses to give in to our manipulations. The other will not just submit to our attempts to assert power over them, by being agreeable. Someone else refusing to be dominated, overpowered, or abused can often cause fights that go nowhere.

This is an opportunity to be honest with yourself. Are you the person causing fights that go nowhere? If your ideal endpoint is the other defer and submit to your will and your experience of reality, while completely losing their self and their needs in relationship with you, than yes, you are indeed the person committed to misunderstanding.

Sometimes a change in perspective reveals the true nature of a relationship.

Coach. Psychologist. Writing about new perspectives, love, relationships, Narcissism, healing, transformation, & culture. www.avapommerenkphd.com

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