Chronic Daters On Dating Apps: The Need For Regulation

Dr. Ava Pommerenk
7 min readMar 21, 2019

Being a woman in my thirties, during several periods of being single, I have done my fair share of online dating. There are primarily two reasons I use dating apps: 1. To test the waters, enjoy feeling attraction to someone other than my ex, and to have a little fun, and 2) To actively search for a person to enter a long-term relationship with. Primarily, though, I have been on these apps in search of a long-term relationship. I am usually very clear with others about what I want, and for the times I have been confused and mistaken about what I wanted, and possibly caused harm, I apologized, and did what I needed to do to make it right.

What are the types of daters, on dating apps?

I learned pretty quickly that there were those that could be considered exploring. These were the people who wanted to literally discover who they were with multiple other people, and what they liked, and desired to have many types of experiences and encounters. These people often had exited a very long, serious relationship at some point within the past year, and they needed to explore what it is to be single and dating, as well as if they could eventually choose to be with partners who differed greatly from their ex. They also were potentially exploring being in alternative types of relationships, and different types of sexual experiences. These people were pretty open about this exploration.

Then there were those who could be considered confused, but honest. These were the people who were conflicted, and having a challenging emotional process in regard to what they wanted, and the dating process, but at some point in their encounters, were honest about it. These people would apologize for harm done due to their own confusion and fear, and would show genuine remorse if they led someone on or reacted poorly to a dating circumstance.

There were also the decisive and honest people, who seemed to know exactly what they wanted, and were straight forward about it. These people were big on communication, and seemed to understand boundaries and needs. They were almost business-like about the process. If they didn’t see potential for the dating encounter to go exactly where they desired it to go, they were quick to start a conversation about it, and then if needed, end the encounter.

Dr. Ava Pommerenk

Coach. Psychologist. Writing about new perspectives, love, relationships, Narcissism, healing, transformation, & culture.