*** This is a much more spiritually-angled article than my other more psychologically oriented ones. I speak about souls and vibrations. I suggest you stop reading now if this makes no sense to you.***
Is it really just the sparkly, charming persona, and the effusively loving, soul- entrancing behaviors, that make the Narcissist so appealing? I think not. After having spent years and years studying what in the world makes almost all the Empaths I have known, be drawn to Narcissists, I have come to this theory.
Narcissists are enormously brilliant souls. They are so completely beautiful, or rather, were at one time, so completely pure and stunningly gorgeous. There is something multi-faceted, deep, awe-inspiring, and wise about their souls. They have powerful souls, and their vibration stands out in a crowd, for this reason. They are, in many ways, like twin souls, in vibration, to Empaths, who also have beautifully brilliant, complex souls. On a mundane level, I find it interesting that Empaths and Narcissists often come out of similar childhood and family backgrounds, as developmentally, it would make sense their souls are fundamentally of a similar vibration.
Through the Narcissist’s early traumas in life, many of them are horribly fractured and wounded, on the soul level. Empaths may become fractured and wounded too from their early experiences, but for whatever reason, their souls don’t end up as obliterated, and as such, they also learn to deal with their traumas in a more empowered, accountable, connected and service oriented way. This beautiful, incredible soul of the Narcissist, over time, becomes lost in multiple places and times, and is not integrated and whole, and the Narcissist has developed a decidedly dark means to deal with this serious soul fragmentation.
The Narcissist has an opportunity to retrieve these lost pieces, like an Empath could, but instead chooses a different path, because I believe they have far more reintegration work to do than an Empath. They choose the dark side of Ego. They instead turn to a False Self to learn to act out a semblance of what their soul was and is, because they cannot bear to face the immense pain, shame, and fear they would need to face in order to realign, reintegrate, and become truly authentic, whole and soul-connected again. It is also possible their soul contracted to be the the hero turned super-villain in this life, and that is what brought them to choose darkness, as well.
Narcissists, in choosing this darkness, become identified with being a victim, and how deeply their soul has been wounded. At an extreme level, they seek to maintain this homeostatic functioning as a victim identity and a False Self, by using the energy and supply of others. In this way, using others, they can perpetually project both their unowned (or forgotten) brilliance of their soul onto them, as well as all their wounding and fragmentation that they are avoiding dealing with at their soul level. And, how people tend to respond to this projection, which is most often negatively, helps them continue to maintain this False Self that they think is untouchable and amazing. But, let us not forget, this False Self is ACTUALLY based on feeling completely and utterly disconnected from their soul’s brilliance AND their trauma.
Then, along comes an Empath, who rarely just views people based on the “here” and “now”, or on this same dimension of physical existence, and BOOM, they are initially struck by what they perceive as the beautiful, brilliance, of the Narcissist. Empaths also are able to often see the whole potential and what was, simultaneously, and get a sense for the whole soul of someone, no matter how fractured their soul is, in actuality. The Empath may eventually see how wounded the Narcissist is as well, and also be somewhat aware of being love-bombed and manipulated, but they keep coming back to the amazing soul they feel and see within the Narcissist.
The Narcissist feels and sees that the Empath sees them this way, and is even more intent on receiving the supply from someone who treats them as though their soul as intact and beautiful, often even despite receiving poor treatment from the Narcissist.
Sometimes, simultaneously, the Narcissist does see a reflection of themselves, or a glimpse of their deepest, most beautiful soul nature, when they connect to the Empath. Additionally, on some level, I believe the Narcissist also recognizes they have met their soul match, energetically, which makes for even more obsession toward the Empath.
In the moments the two souls, one of an Empath and one of a Narcissist, do end up connecting fully, getting past each’s defenses, and the Narcissist’s False Self, this creates a major bond that the Empath doesn’t easily forget. The Narcissist is capable of going “asleep” soon thereafter, to this knowing and connection, as they are normally so deeply disconnected from their own soul (as the False Self runs the show). But, the Empath rarely is able to forget, because in these moments they experience fulfillment of a longing they have continuously had, which is to experience deep union with a fellow, amazingly brilliant, powerful soul. The Empath, once having experienced this taste of soul connection with the brilliantly sparkling soul of the Narcissist, continues to stick around with the hopes that the Narcissist isn’t as wounded, manipulative, and disconnected from their soul (as they behave), and instead lets their experience of the Narcissist’s soul (in its whole state), be what guides them.
There are multiple imbalances and challenges for an Empath, which causes them to focus so heavily on the soul aspects of the connection, rather than the lived, behavioral-relational experiences of being with a Narcissist. I will not focus on that piece here, for the sake of keeping this article brief. But, I will write more about this in other articles.
To round out my words, it is important I have made my point clearly, here with you, so that you as an Empath, in receiving my message, can give yourself a little bit of a break, and extend some forgiveness and love towards yourself right now. It isn’t just the Narcissist’s darkness, and your deficits, so to speak, that brought the Narcissist to you, and doomed you to remain intertwined with them. You truly loving a Narcissist is also a testament to your unique and incredible skill in deeply seeing and loving someone on the soul level, and in seeing who they truly are, as though they are perfect, whole, and integrated, right now.
You are likely learning to embrace this gift, while also practicing greater self-honesty, here and now reality testing, better boundary-setting, and increased discernment. And, go right ahead and keep loving the Narcissist’s beautifully, brilliant soul. You can certainly do it to its fullest extent, from afar, when it is time to cut contact with them.
Please be warned that no matter how incredible their soul is, they are still going to choose to be mostly identified as a victim and with their False Self, and will likely NEVER drop these aspects of Ego for any love or any soul, no matter how great and how bright.
If you don’t know this as truth now, you likely will from your own experience, in the future. I trust your pace and process with this, and know you are learning some powerful lessons.
I sincerely hope my words help you here. Please share with any Empath in your life who you think is in need of this message.